Chris Loyd's BlAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHg

This is something that doesn't happen on a daily basis. At least not to me, it doesn't. One of my coworkers broke her leg and needed me to come by and pick some stuff up from her and take it to work with me. I've never been to her house and I asked her for directions. I head to her house and noticed I don't speak hydrocodone (not now at least). Everything was backwards and now I question the reality of "giggle terrace". That is a make believe road and I know it now.

I get to her house and rang the first incorrect door bell. She kept giving me loopy advice on my phone as I'm getting frustrated. If you've ever had a major injury and was given mild opiates to rid the pain, it doesn't work. You get retarded and the pain is still there. I finally found the correct house, via mail box, and she told me to walk in since the door was unlocked. I walked in and said, "Sally"? I heard this male voice. I started scoping around really fast cause this didn't seem like a house "Sally" would live in.

The house had turquoise blue and green shag carpeting. Black light suede posters all over the walls with seventies music filling the air. All that took five seconds to take in. I called out again and through the upstairs railing walked up a completely naked man smiling saying his name and it's ok , he's from Sweden. I said that's very nice, I'm from awkward. I told him I was very sorry and said I had the wrong house. He just waived good bye and said that "Sally" was next door. I walked out the door and noticed the nudist's mail box was dwarfed by "Sally's" mail box by two hundred percent.

They say you learn something new every day. Today I learned to check for neighboring mail boxes that could be easily over looked. That and not to stare at another man's donkey balls. They were HUGE!

My friend and fellow comedian Gary Dull hosts The Gutbuster Comedy Show at The Grand Stands in Hendersonville, Tennessee. I haven't missed one show since he started the room and I thought I have seen everything that came in and out of their doors. Not this night. Woh nelly.

I get to The Grand Stands and opened the door. As I entered I was greeted by this, obviously hammered, girl in her early twenties. "WELCOME TO ZTHERA GRENDSTANDZZZZ!!!, WOOOOOO!!!" After I thanked her for the warm welcome and the spraying of her dna, I noticed that this place is packed. I was excited. Later to find I was excited for the wrong reasons.

Gary is very good at bringing out people to his shows. The guest host Leslie Nash is also very good at bringing out her people to shows, too. I saw Leslie's people and then assumed that the twenty or so with the hammered girl were Gary's friends. The group in the back wouldn't shut up for anything and the girl was showing signs of alcohol poisoning. Why wasn't Gary shutting his friends up? Because Gary didn't have a clue of who they were, that's why. I was getting ticked off for nothing. Well not really. They still didn't have to be as loud. It's like a controlled science experiment when you take the sports bar away from the sports bar natives. The natives will become restless. Ungabunga!

The first four or five comics went up at and couldn't be heard due to the loudness of the back room. I felt so bad for them. Jack Lunn, from Memphis, went up and found out something very funny about the girl that greeted me at the door. Jack asked if anyone in the crowd has ever had a weird job. The girl said she was the frog at the Rain Forrest Cafe in Opry Mills. Who would have guessed??? Kinda makes sense now. Jack continued on and the girl said, "that's not what I do now. Now I'm a teacher!". That's good to know since the show is on a Thursday night. If you read this and have a son in school with a teacher named Amanda, you might want to buy a doll and start asking him some 'did she touch you here' questions.

There was one loud mouth remaining after the natives and Amanda left. This was a woman in her forties with a couple of younger girls. She was one of those hecklers that was showing the girls how to do it. She was also hammered. The comic taking the stage before me, Ben Bergman, made her shut and leave. And she was saying the corniest things too. Like, "Boo, You Suck, and 'Ever!"

It's finally my turn to go up and it was like I was pumped up, ready to fight the fight of my life and I take the stage. I look at the crowd and there was nothing but attentive people to hear what I had to say. For over an hour I was building this arsenal of weaponry to defend the stage and take back The Grand Stands and the enemy retreated. Instead I sold out and gave the crowd what they wanted. I have never been drained after a ten minute set in a while. Ah well, another experience under the belt. God I love what I do.